Jeneva

It's the big dog!! What's his name again? The mean one? It doesn't matter. HE'S A MONSTER! And he's coming for you with a hungry look in his eye, foam dripping out of his fanged mouth. You decide it's time to use the vial. [[Throw the vial into the horrid creature's gaping mouth.]] [[Carefully uncork the vial while running away and then try to pour it on him before he gnaws on you.]]

You hear the sound of crunching glass as the indiscriminate scourge shatters the vial in its teeth. A strange popping sound causes you to turn around and you see a small wiener dog letting out pathetic yips. You can only assume the animal is channeling Yzma: "Is that my bark?? Is that *my* bark?" [[You tilt your head back and laugh victoriously!]] [[You suddenly feel slightly bad for the poor dog.]]

The cork barely budges. [[You use your teeth to pry the cork loose.]] [[You call on the power of Thor to strengthen your muscles and allow you to open this damned vial!]]

Ahahaha!!! [[Laugh more. Seize the day!]] [[Figure out how to tell Kelsey you shrunk her guard dog.]]

You lean down to the dog and try to comfort him. He's wary at first but soons comes close enough to lick your nose. You find yourself warming to the dog in spite of yourself. [[Ask Kelsey if you can adopt him.]] [[Shrug off these feelings and find a pet you actually like.]]

The cork finally comes loose but because you're simultaneously running most of the liquid in the vial splashes out. The monster is still chasing you, though. You see an easy to climb tree up ahead. [[Climb the tree to escape the dog.]] [[Try to pour whatever's left of the vial on the dog.]]

Well apparently Thor must be busy or something. Maybe a spa day? Because the vial remains corked. You throw it into some bushes in exasperation and turn abruptly to face the monster. [[Yell, "WTF?!"]] [[Punch it.]]

You laugh until you feel you've fully celebrated this victory. That's approximately [[3 minutes.]] [[42 minutes.]]

You stumble over the story but eventually all the details come out. Kelsey is shocked, confused, angry and then slightly understanding. She picks up the dog and looks at it. She's worried he'll get cold being outside all day since he's such a small dog. You hastily offer to crochet him a coat to keep him warm. Kelsey seems placated and you rush home to find some yarn. A couple days later, you've crocheted a super cute dog coat! You mixed and matched different stitch types and it's even adjustable depending on the weather! Kelsey loves it too and you decide to put your dog jackets on the market. Your "Barkas" are immensely popular and all the orders keep you quite busy. One rare day when you've finished all your orders with lots of time to spare you start to [[Contemplate the meaning of life.]]

You realize you really need to immortalize this crazy day in song. You head home as soon as you've helped Kelsey with some slippers and start writing lyrics. It comes together so well; part rap, part ballad and accompanied by your ukulele. The instrument, your voice and the words are a perfect mix!! Apparently everyone else thinks so too. A record label soon snatches you up and you head out on tour with your ukulele. The tour dates and James' time away line up exactly - it's the best way to stay occupied while he's gone. You love connecting with the crowds of people who come to see you as well. It's after a great concert that you relax in your tour bus and start to [[Contemplate the meaning of life.]]

Your voice becomes slightly hoarse but you regret nothing. You strut off to find Kelsey to finally make those slippers. [[You walk across the farm like you own the place.]] [[You somewhat sheepishly glance around to see if anyone was watching.]]

Although the dog catches one your shoes and tears it off your foot as you climb, you make it to a safe height and catch your breath. The beast waits impatiently at the bottom of the tree. You look up into the foliage and something red glints in the sunlight. [[You climb a bit higher to see what it is.]] [[It's probably nothing. Start yelling for help.]]

You spin on your heels and, surprised, the hulking beast pauses for a minute. You seize this opportunity and sprinkle the few remaining drops on the dog. The dog's head suddenly shrinks into a wiener dog head along with the rest of it's body. [[Figure out how to tell Kelsey you shrunk her guard dog.]]

The small dog obediently follows you at a respectful distance. Clearly, he's realized who the alpha is! You explain to Kelsey what happened and it turns out she's been secretly wanting to get rid of that dog. You take the wiener dog home and name him Yzma. As a wiener dog, his disposition is sweet and affectionate. He makes the perfect companion and the two of you have some fun adventures. You also get really good at sneaking him to restaurants in your purse. It's at one of those clandesdine meals that as you're snuggle after enjoying some hot dogs, you lean back and [[Contemplate the meaning of life.]]

Just the dog was watching. You start walking back to the house and the small dog obediently follows you at a respectful distance. Clearly, he's realized who the alpha is! You explain to Kelsey what happened and it turns out she's been secretly wanting to get rid of that dog. You take the wiener dog home and name him Yzma. As a wiener dog, his disposition is sweet and affectionate. He makes the perfect companion and the two of you have some fun adventures. You also get really good at sneaking him to restaurants in your purse. It's at one of those clandesdine meals that as you're snuggle after enjoying some hot dogs, you lean back and [[Contemplate the meaning of life.]]

You are Jeneva. An adventurous, almost thirty year old who can easily handle anything the world throws at you. Although you occasionally create one too many spreadsheets and avoid nuts like an anti-squirrel, you've never let that stop you. You make friends wherever you go and tackle challenges head on! Time to start your day! [[Perform an interpretive dance down the stairs and into the kitchen to express the various things you dreamed about last night.]] [[Practice your choir songs in the back yard for the birds like a disney princess.]]

It requires quite the ingenuity and flexibility to fully express some of the crazy things dream-Jeneva got up to but you feel satisfied with the performance. As you're now in the kitchen: it's time for breakfast. [[Whip up pancakes.]] [[Stick to granola today.]]

Your voice carries sweetly through the morning air and to your surprise, several birds do actually join in with your singing. This makes you feel even more like a disney princess so you run back inside and get dressed in your favorite flowy dress. Then it's time for breakfast. You decide to [[Meet mom and dad for breakfast at Hen & Hog.]] [[Grab a granola bar on your way out and head straight to Desdanne's.]]

Something must have shifted the house in the night because when you open your cupboard to grab the gluten free flours, the entire GF collection slides off the shelves and knocks you over. The avalanche of potato, tapioca, sorghum and rice flours piles on top of you, threatening to suffocate you. You desperately try to push it away from your face, but it somehow just keeps coming! Your vision fades and your last thought before you succumb to unconsciousness is [[If only I could have eaten pancakes one last time!]] [[Suck it gluten!]]

After a delicious, if familiar, breakfast you head out to Kelsey's place to help make a few pairs of slippers. [[Drive there extremely fast! Seize the day!]] [[Drive normally. Speed limits are there for a reason!]]

Pancakes, pancakes... images of beautiful, fluffy stacks of pancakes float before your eyes. Your vision then clears and you remember what happened. Your cupboard just spewed enough baking supplies at you to knock you out!! You glance around the room and notice a faint glow in the corner of the kitchen. [[You edge over to take a closer look.]]

Suck it gluten.... the words echo in your head as you groggily come to. You sit up and see you're still in the pile of gf flours. You glance at the clock and and it's almost noon! You've been out for a few hours. What was that about?? As you survey the mess your eye catches on a glowing crumb in the corner. [[You edge over to take a closer look.]]

You're helping Desdanne sort through her very unruly bookkeeping system. You use the word 'system' here very loosely. Is a box of papers technically a system?? Anyways, a couple hours later, the box of papers is starting to look more like a real business and you realize how hungry you are. You head to Big Foot donuts for their Saturday GF Donuts. Lunch of champions! [[Walk over to get a donut.]] [[Skip over to get a donut.]]

It's a crumb, but it isn't glowing exactly. When you get closer you can tell it's just been highlighted somehow in your mind. You're also certain that it contains gluten! How could there still be gluten in your perfectly clean kitchen?! You glare at the crumb in fury. [[It disintegrates into nothingness.]]

Did you just use mind powers to detect and eliminate gluten??!! Your mind spins as you think this over... no more cross contamination! No more stress at restaurants! Also, does this mean you're a superhero?? [[You need to test this out. Head out into the world to track down some gluten.]] [[This is crazy. You must have hit your head pretty hard. Clean up the mess and try to forget this happened.]]

You don't have to go far. Laying on the road outside your house is a half-eaten sandwich. You can tell right away it's made with regular old, lame wheat flour. You concentrate on it and poof! It's gone! (Well, except for a few sad slices of meat that were inside the sandwich.) Wow! You really do have super powers. You nod in satisfaction. You put your hands on your hips and stand up tall before proclaiming, "Suck it gluten!!" [[Take your gluten fighting powers on the road.]] [[Finally open Gluten Bye Bye, your gf bakery!]]

It's good that it's a Saturday because you have quite a few things to do to get ready for kids ministry tomorrow. You're busy enough that you soon forget about your weird experience. The next morning one of your volunteers is sick and you have to fill in. It goes pretty well until snack time when you see a little boy with celiacs starting to put his supposedly gf snack in his mouth. You can see a glowing crumb on it that you know is gluten! [[Knock the snack out of his hand and risk making him cry.]] [[Admit you have powers and dissolve the crumb with your mind!]]

You order their most popular flavor. It's so delicious you forgot where you are for a few minutes. When you return to reality you realize it's time to [[help with some fruit picking.]]

You get a few annoyed stares as you skip past other pedestrians but you get a few smiles too. As you're smiling back at someone, though, you trip over a discarded coffee cup and go flying. [[Tuck and roll to try to land on your feet somehow.]] [[Accept your fate and face plant.]]

You drive so fast that you barely see anything on the way there and narrowly escape hitting a few other cars. YOLO right?! The slipper making goes well and than you head out to [[help with some fruit picking.]]

You drive carefully along, obeying all posted speed limits and traffic laws. As you turn a bend you notice a car half in the ditch and an older women struggling out of the driver's door. [[Pull over and see if you can help.]] [[Keep driving, but turn up the music to drown out any guilty thoughts.]]

You run up, help untangle the woman from the seatbelt and get her on her feet. She explains she got distracted by a car speeding by her (See! Speeding is never the answer!) and didn't quite make the turn. She's extremely grateful you stopped to help. You call the police and the woman's son, and while you wait for them to arrive you both sit on a nearby log. The woman is still thanking you when she pulls a small glass vial out of her pocket. "Let me give you this small token of my thanks! Next time you have something come against you, just pour this on your problem." [[Awesome! A potion! You humbly accept.]] [[This is weird. You hesitate to take it.]]

The music works for about two blocks but the image of the old woman struggling keeps popping into your mind. You grumble, take a quick detour and get back to where you saw the car. [[Fine, you'll help her!! ->Pull over and see if you can help.]]

You put the vial in your pocket. The woman's son arrives and you say goodbye and hop back in your car. [[Finish driving to Kelsey's.]]

"Please take it!" she says again. Before you can refuse, she's shoved it into your hand and stood up. The woman's son arrives and you say goodbye and hop back in your car. [[Finish driving to Kelsey's.]]

You arrive at Kelsey's and walk towards the house when suddenly you hear strange noises behind you. [[You spin around.]]

They are already there and have a table, of course. You sit down and look at the menu but get distracted by the people at the table next to you. They look familiar! Is it? Could it be?? Yes! It's the cast of Princess Bride! [[Yell, 'Inconceivable!']] [[Say, 'There's a shortage of perfect casts in this world. Good thing I ran into you guys!']]

If your adventures today have taught you anything it's that you are amazing. And not just regular amazing, like "Oh, I found $20 in my pocket, amazing!" or "This meal at this world renowned restaurant was amazing!" No, you're like super amazing! Like "I just saw a quadruple rainbow and also found the end of it and it wasn't a leprechaun there but a whole orchestra of trained frogs playing Beethoven's Fifth! That was super amazing!" As we've seen, life can get pretty crazy but you have what it takes to jump right in, make friends, conquer challenges and somehow also bring joy to everyone around you. How do you do that??!! The interrobang is really the perfect punctuation mark for you because basically anyone who meets you is like, "What??!! How is Jeneva so great?!" I'm so glad to be a side character in your amazing life! Happy 30th birthday, sis!! Love you!

This is the perfect idea because, one, your baking is obviously delicious! And, two, they'll be no chance of cross contamination. Guaranteed gluten free! You find the perfect location in downtown Comox and hire your friends from the base who are looking for some community and extra cash. Your dream team and you create mouth-watering pastries and breads and your fame spreads throughout the valley. You even end up writing a cookbook with a cute but classy picture of you eating a cupcake on the front. (Who doesn't like cupcakes!?) Your life is going great and as you sit outside your bakery one morning enjoying the summer breeze you [[Contemplate the meaning of life.]]

You explain to Kelsey what happened and it turns out she's been secretly wanting to get rid of that dog. You take the wiener dog home and name him Yzma. As a wiener dog, his disposition is sweet and affectionate. He makes the perfect companion and the two of you have some fun adventures. You also get really good at sneaking him to restaurants in your purse. It's at one of those clandesdine meals that as you're snuggle after enjoying some hot dogs, you lean back and [[Contemplate the meaning of life.]]

You explain to Kelsey what happened with her dog and although she seems a bit incredulous of your story, she's happy to keep the wiener dog at her place. You help her make a pair of slippers and then head to the pet store. This pet idea has really taken a hold of you. [[Find something big that can protect you from future beasts.]] [[Find something perfect for cuddling.]]

After a few weeks of research you've narrowed it down to two options. Turns out pigs can grow to be quite large and territorial and are legal to have in your home (who knew?). Also, a bankrupt traveling circus (still a thing! Again, who knew?!?) is looking to get rid of its animals. They have a tamed lynx that needs a good home. [[Go for the pig - wilbur anyone?]] [[I'm sure you could say the lynx is just a big cat and get away with it!]]

You head to a local pet store. You are strangely drawn to a black and brown ferret! It's soft and furry, adventurous and affectionate. It's quite flexible and thin and manages to find all sorts of nooks and crannies in your home. You document your ferret's home explorations and the YouTube channel really takes off. Sure, some of the comments are awful and strangely misinformed, but on the whole you love your new life with a pet and enjoy your days together. One day the two of you are cuddling and you both start to [[Contemplate the meaning of life.]]

A nearby farm is selling some piglets and you find the perfect, cutest one that also has a vicious gleam in its eye. You know that it'll protect you once it grows larger. You and Wilbur settle in nicely and he eventually does protect you from a wandering black bear, an abnormally large rat and a strange homeless person. Looks like you made the right choice! Take a minute now to [[Contemplate the meaning of life.]]

The lynx DOES NOT enjoy the ride home AT ALL. When you finally arrive you look sadly at your shredded back seat but welcome the lynx into your home. After a harrowing first few weeks where most of your furniture gets torn to bits, you both settle in. The lynx turns out to be affectionate, fun and great at keeping stray cats and deer out of your yard. Your garden does amazingly each summer now that it's protected and your eventually get used to sitting on ripped up couches. All in all you're happy with how things turned out. You take a minute to [[Contemplate the meaning of life.]]

Your one remaining shoe gets caught between a few branches on the way up, but you make it, shoeless, to where you saw the flash of red. You lift a few branches and see a beautiful, shining ruby! Wow! How did that get up there? You pluck it out just in time to see Brandon coming across the lawn to get control of the dog. [[Climb down.]]

Brandon hears your cries and comes to tame the wild animal. After you climb down, you both agree that some doggie school would be good for the beast. Brandon asks you to come along so that there won't be anymore wild chases across his yard. You don't really want to go but [[agree to it anyway.]]

Brandon corrals the beast as you reach the ground and you don't even hate the dog anymore. After all, it's because of him you found this ruby! You sell the ruby and split the proceeds with Brandon and Kelsey. The extra money allows you to buy new shoes AND fly out every weekend to see James while he's away. It's on one of the flights back home from a trip to see him that you sit back in your seat and [[Contemplate the meaning of life.]]

The class turns out to be super fun and you end up taking a course on dog training. You realize that dog training is just stage managing, but with dogs! And also minus a lot of personal drama. But adding in some poop. All in all, it evens out and you love it! You become quite a sought after dog trainer in the valley. It's after a particularly fun class that you relax in your back yard and [[Contemplate the meaning of life.]]

This dog appears to be unusually sensitive to coarse language because it hesitates before chomping on you. It seems to be waiting for your next move. [[Cut this sh@t out!]] [[That's better! Sit!]]

You gain quite a bit of momentum as you swing around and your punch lands squarely and forcefully on the dog's snout. He whimpers and runs off. You try to shake off the encounter but the taste of power you just experienced doesn't go away. You can't help but wonder if there's some truth to all these superhero movies. In the films it looks like fun to fight crime and make wrongs right. Maybe it is in real life too? You start training at a boxing gym and soon start heading out at night in the name of vigilante justice. Although you never break open any major crime rings, you do manage to stop quite a few thefts and attempts at vandalism. You feel very satisfied having made your neighbourhood just a little safer. [[Contemplate the meaning of life.]]

The dog is stunned that you've sworn twice!! He obediently sits down and starts listening to your every command. (Even ones like, "Do a double back flip.") You wonder if there's something to this swearing thing. You start a speaking tour encouraging people to use their choice language carefully and instruct them on the perfect moments to use this power for good. It's a worldwide phenomenon that mobilizes people to fight disease, corrupt governments and bad drivers. One morning you sip your tea in this vastly improved world and [[Contemplate the meaning of life.]]

You should have stuck with the swearing. The dog looks at you with contempt (did he just roll his eyes??) and starts in on your leg. [[You pass out.]]

You wake in a hospital with a prosthetic leg. It's a shock. After a few weeks of eating gallons of ice cream and mourning things like jumping, kicking and other two legged activities, you start to see the silver lining. You interview with Just For Laughs Gags. There's so many great gags involving people accidentally running over your fake leg or your leg getting stuck in unlikely places. The show is a super hit and you love making people laugh. One evening you relax with the rest of the cast and [[Contemplate the meaning of life.]]

An early ancestor of yours must have been some sort of prehistoric gymnast because not only do you land on your feet, but you add an extra flip in there! You are as amazed and impressed as the people around you! This is so cool! [[Audition for Cirque du Soleil.]] [[Continue with your day knowing you're amazingly athletic!]]

It's pretty bad. The pavement eats a lot of your skin and you get some crazy scarring. You decide to use this to your advantage and throw yourself into becoming the best DM ever. You figure you can always dress up the d & d games and make your scarred face a jumping off point for epic backstories for your characters. The players love your commitment to the game and you are soon DMing games every night of the week! Although your sleep schedule and house cleaning suffer, you love taking people on imaginary adventures. As you clean up the minis from an epic battle one night you start to [[Contemplate the meaning of life.]]

Ok, so auditioning is harder than it looks. They really expect a lot out of their performers!! So you don't quite make it, even though you're super impressed with your own skills. But you're chatting with some of the staff afterwards and find out they need an assistant choreographer and an ASM. [[Sign up to choreograph!]] [[ASM all the way!]]

You walk into the donut shop with such confidence that everyone stops what they're doing for a moment to see what force of nature just arrived. You take a look at the donut options. [[Order a chocolate cookie dough donut.]] [[Order a cap'n crunch donut.]]

The donut is so good! And the cashier gives it to you for free. You gobble it up and head out again to [[help with some fruit picking.]]

It's so delicious you forgot where you are for a few minutes. When you return to reality you realize it's time to [[help with some fruit picking.]]

You meet the other volunteers and start climbing ladders and picking delicious looking apples. Out of the corner of your eye you notice your nearby teammate is looking a little wobbly. Is his ladder tipping? Yes, it is! Using your recently discovered athletic skills, you grab a nearby branch, swing over tarzan style and stop the ladder from tipping just in time! The guy is so thankful that you saved him that he falls to his knees and starts to pledge undying allegiance to you. [[Accept his offer.]] [[No, no! It was nothing!]]

He swears to serve as your manservant for the next 5 years as repayment for saving his life. It's a bit awkward at first as you get used to having someone to attend to your every whim, but you settle in eventually. You must admit, it's nice to have someone to mow the lawn, get groceries and organize the basement. When James returns from training, he also gets on board; the guy builds James an amazing man-cave in the basement that wins him over. It's one morning that you're enjoying freshly squeezed orange juice and homemade waffles (made by your manservant, of course!) that you lean back and [[Contemplate the meaning of life.]]

He begrudgingly stands up and gives you a hug instead. You all get back to apple picking and soon have many basketfuls. However, you can't forget the surreal feeling of swinging through the air on that branch. Later that day you head into the woods by your house, climb a tree and start practicing your swings. After a few weeks you're a master at flying through the trees! Some kids catch glimpses of you occasionally and a local legend starts up about a strange elf woman who lives in the woods and floats nimbly through the trees. You don't disagree with them. One day while hanging out in the beautiful foliage you sigh in contentment and [[Contemplate the meaning of life.]]

After a long interview with dubious questions ("Do you put peanut butter or jelly on first in a PB & J sandwich?") they hire you and you get to choreograph! You learn so much from the head choreographer and eventually head out on your own, doing work for ballets, modern dance and even protest dances! After a particularly heated protest dance performance where your dancers link together to form a twenty foot high human wall (ya... you're good!), you take a break to [[Contemplate the meaning of life.]]

They hire you on the spot! And then the stage manager has to quit for mysterious reasons and you get that job! You're in your element and loving every minute of it. You settle into your new routine as SM. As you get to know the crew, one of the dancers convinces you to turn your beautiful long hair into dreadlocks. After some initial push back from James, you convince him it's a good idea. Your dreadlocked hair is a thing of beauty! You and your new do travel with the circus and make everything work super smoothly. Everyone wonders how they used to get by without you! After one of those great performances you relax with the crew and [[Contemplate the meaning of life.]]

Yes, you do save him from gluten contamination but he does, understandably, burst into tears. He keeps wailing for the next half an hour too! Nothing is working to make him stop. [[Try bribing him with sugar.]] [[Interrupt the service and get help.]]

You concentrate super hard and you're rewarded by seeing the crumb dissolve. Woohoo! Ok, fine. It seems you really do have powers. [[Take your gluten fighting powers on the road.]]

The bribe sort of works?? But then he's crazy and running around and when his mom comes to get him you have to tell her about all the sugar he consumed. She's not impressed. One thing leads to another and you're kicked off the team! You take your revenge by secretly feeding sweets to the kids during the service. Sure, it's not the most mature thing you've ever done, but the services do get quite a bit more interesting with all the (even) wilder than normal kids running around. The upside is that everyone at the church gets so sanctified by dealing with crazy kids each week that Via Comox Valley grows into a really large and loving community. You're reflecting on this one day and begin to [[Contemplate the meaning of life.]]

Dad looks less than impressed when you burst upstairs calling for help, and when the kid's mom comes down she finds out you basically hit her child and you're really in hot water. You have to give up your position as kids ministry administrator. Secretly, your glad to be done with it. Also, the empty position prompts a sermon series about volunteering and soon everyone at Via Comox is helping in one capacity or another. This surge in commitment and service quickly expands into the town of Cumberland. The town is so impressed with your community that the church grows rapidly. You definitely take credit for this and start to [[Contemplate the meaning of life.]]

The cast looks over at you and isn't as impressed as you thought they'd be. "Ya, that's the first time we've ever heard that one!" someone says, rolling their eyes. [[Backtrack, apologize and try again.]] [[Continue quoting the movie till they come around.]]

The cast look surprised, pleased and then delighted at your interruption. You start talking and get to hear all about their experiences shooting the movie. You learn insider info that probably nobody else knows! The feeling is intoxicating and when you leave the restaurant you head home to make a list of movie casts you HAVE to meet. You devote much of the rest of your life to researching, planning and scheming how to meet the people on your list. You do pretty well and meet over half the casts! Not a bad result! You feel that the backstage stories and personal encounters with these brilliant actors has made all the traveling totally worth it. On one of your plane rides home from such a trip you lean back and [[Contemplate the meaning of life.]]

You apologize profusely and instead dazzle them with your knowledge of the movie. They soon start smiling and ask you to join them. You push your tables together and have a lovely breakfast as you swap stories and get to know each other. You remain friends with a lot of them and even get to be a plus one at a very fancy Hollywood party. How random that you ran into them and now they've become such a big part of your life! This thought causes you to [[Contemplate the meaning of life.]]

It only takes 20 minutes of reciting the movie until the cast starts laughing. "Ok! Ok! You win! You're clearly our biggest fan!" You push your tables together and have a lovely breakfast as you swap stories and get to know each other. You remain friends with a lot of them and even get to be a plus one at a very fancy Hollywood party. How random that you ran into them and now they've become such a big part of your life! This thought causes you to [[Contemplate the meaning of life.]]